i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
