I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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