if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
