How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
