Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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