I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
