How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
