drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
