I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
