I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
