On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
