Ambien. No doubt about it.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
