im drinking this country out of the recession.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
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