If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
