Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize