Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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