It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
