so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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