I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
