your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
