I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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