I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
