He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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