By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You ruined the universe
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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