I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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