Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
