I feel like abortions should bother me more
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
