there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Randomize
