my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize