Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
