she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
