I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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