I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
