She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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