am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
They took my balls.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
