Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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