the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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