You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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