Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize