Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
