we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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