i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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