the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
