her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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