i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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