Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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