So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
