The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I need to calm my uterus...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
