I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
