I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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