just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
