If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i drank out of a bidet.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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