he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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