At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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