Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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