i came on her dog
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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