You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize