i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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