She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Pants are for mortals
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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