I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
