last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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