he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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