I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
