I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
