I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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