My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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