everyone is single if you try hard enough
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
