I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
