Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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