I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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