He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
