Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
