see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
