pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
