I never want to see another naked old woman again.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
