did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize