have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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