i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
