I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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